May 11th, 2007
Well known celebrities and highly rated movie stars Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger made the headlines recently whenÂ Alec’s outburstÂ Â on his daughter’sÂ voicemailÂ became so well publicised.Â Â He obviously reacted in an inappropriate way, but it is good that he recognizes thisÂ and he has apologized to his daughterÂ publicly. His ex-wife, Kim BasingerÂ Â may have leakedÂ this voice mail to the public and in the process violated terms of the closed custody hearings.
Â There are viewsÂ both in support and against the actions ofÂ AlecÂ Baldwin.Â As both parents are also well liked by fans and friends oneÂ shouldÂ Â examine what is behind the custody battles, the inappropriate voicemails,Â the leaking of this information to to the public and the effect on this tussle and trauma on theÂ child.Â TheyÂ appear to continuallyÂ hurtÂ each other andÂ the real issue of sharing joint custody, respectfully, Â gets lost in all the emotional drama.
Â Some of theÂ feelings they display areÂ Â Â anger, distrust, disrespect, unfairness,Â hurt, disappointment andÂ frustration. What is masked is their greatÂ needÂ Â for respect, belonging,Â love, Â being involved, recognized and appreciated amongst other unexpressed needs.
Â Many of us are unable to recognize our needs and express them. Instead weÂ get caught up in trying to get even , in circular argumentsÂ are often not aware of the effect of all of this onÂ children.Â Â
If this family is able to use the suggestions ofÂ Â Nonviolent Communication or NVCÂ they may be able to recognize that each party has a number of unsatisfied needs that result in these outbursts and blaming and shaming behavior.
NVC advocates couples to learn to really listen toÂ and empathize with each other. When they learn to do this they will be able to see that both actually want the same thing, the well being of their child. It is then that theyÂ will be able to work in compassionate ways to satisfy everybody. This approach will enhance relationships and strengthen family ties.
This website has aÂ fuller explanation on NVC at Nonviolent Communication and links to NVC website.
May 8th, 2007
Records indicate that Paris Hilton has a record of reckless driving. On September 7th 2006 she failed a field sobriety Â test and had a blood alcohol level of 0.08 percent which is a violation of the law for an adult. She received a sentence of 36 months probation,Â Â alcohol education and $1,500 in fines.Â Her license had been suspended for 30 daysÂ but she was allowed to drive for work purposes for 90 days.Â Her drivingÂ aroundÂ 11p.m on January 15th 2007Â does not appear to have been work related.Â Reports indicate that she was speeding and had no headlights on,Â prompting the California Highway Patrol to pull her over.
RecordsÂ show that she was alsoÂ pulled overÂ 2 other times after the September incident and she hadÂ failed to enroll forÂ traffic education.Â Â The judge must have considered all of these factors when sentencing Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail. Her driving records indicate a lack of understanding of the dangers of drivingÂ Â under the influence of alcohol and a blatant disrespect of the law.Â
She has asked her fans to influenceÂ governor Arnold SchwarzeneggerÂ to intervene in her sentencing.Â I believe Paris Hilton has loads of talent and is good business woman but she has “chosen” to disregard the safety of people and the law.Â If this is the path she chose, then inevitably she has to face the consequences.Â
You can read more on how we are responsible for decisons we make and therefore are responsible for the consequences at Choices.Â
May 7th, 2007
Do First Appearances Matter?
I believe it does matter.
Most of us take special care over our appearance when meeting with prospective employers at job interviews and meeting new acquaintances at parties or other social events?
Good grooming is not just for others to get a good impression of you, but to make yourself feel good and confident about yourself. I think you some how slip into another “persona” almost, when you know you are looking good. While there is a time and a place to just be yourself most of us don’t want to meet strangers when we look like we just got out of bed.
I have learned that time does take its toll on the physical body and higher maintenace becomes necessary as you age. “Age-spots” adds another dimension to the make-up routine and good grooming as there is more to cover up! A term my husband adopted from my brother-in-law and loves to brandish, is that I have to “panel beat.” This is a South African description that refers to fixing vehicles that have been bumped, bruised and dented and need the services of a body shop. I will describe my “panel beating” routines in forthcoming blogs.
Although most of us take precautions to ensure against bad breath and body odor, there are still those who smell really nasty. It just makes it so hard to communicate with someone who has an unpleasant smell. Hand in hand with physical appearances is the need to be polite, speak clearly, use acceptable language and sit gracefully.
It is a sense of confidence that helps us to mingle with the crowd, and look for clues to make small talk that eases the ability to fit in and feel comfortable.
They say beauty is only skin deep, but feeling good about your appearance just helps to bring out the rest of the inner beauty which has a lot to do with good manners, considering the needs of others and the ability to communicate effectively. For more on this subject, browse the web page on Nonviolent Communication.
Just as we take care to improve our physical appearance, we need to watch other aspects of our lifestyles that can leave a lasting impression.