Well known celebrities and highly rated movie stars Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger made the headlines recently whenÂ Alec’s outburstÂ Â on his daughter’sÂ voicemailÂ became so well publicised.Â Â He obviously reacted in an inappropriate way, but it is good that he recognizes thisÂ and he has apologized to his daughterÂ publicly. His ex-wife, Kim BasingerÂ Â may have leakedÂ this voice mail to the public and in the process violated terms of the closed custody hearings.
Â There are viewsÂ both in support and against the actions ofÂ AlecÂ Baldwin.Â As both parents are also well liked by fans and friends oneÂ shouldÂ Â examine what is behind the custody battles, the inappropriate voicemails,Â the leaking of this information to to the public and the effect on this tussle and trauma on theÂ child.Â TheyÂ appear to continuallyÂ hurtÂ each other andÂ the real issue of sharing joint custody, respectfully, Â gets lost in all the emotional drama.
Â Some of theÂ feelings they display areÂ Â Â anger, distrust, disrespect, unfairness,Â hurt, disappointment andÂ frustration. What is masked is their greatÂ needÂ Â for respect, belonging,Â love, Â being involved, recognized and appreciated amongst other unexpressed needs.
Â Many of us are unable to recognize our needs and express them. Instead weÂ get caught up in trying to get even , in circular argumentsÂ are often not aware of the effect of all of this onÂ children.Â Â
If this family is able to use the suggestions ofÂ Â Nonviolent Communication or NVCÂ they may be able to recognize that each party has a number of unsatisfied needs that result in these outbursts and blaming and shaming behavior.
NVC advocates couples to learn to really listen toÂ and empathize with each other. When they learn to do this they will be able to see that both actually want the same thing, the well being of their child. It is then that theyÂ will be able to work in compassionate ways to satisfy everybody. This approach will enhance relationships and strengthen family ties.
This website has aÂ fuller explanation on NVC at Nonviolent Communication and links to NVC website.